"Dermot Kennedy: An Introduction" by Blanca Reyes

Dermot Kennedy is a up-and-coming singer/songwriter from Ireland who is already making his name known in the music scene with his distinct voice and his lyrics that could pass as something you would read in a poetry book.

When you listen to his music, you’ll be able to hear his favorite genres and his influences take part in his art. Dermot has said that he never intentionally tries to sound like anyone but rather the mix of his influences just come naturally in everything he does: songwriting, vocals and production. You’ll hear his love for hip-hop in his production and lyrical structure, his love for Bon Iver in his songwriting and instrumentals and his love for David Gray in his vocals.

Dermot Kennedy is an expert songwriter. The way he creates a story that you can so easily visualize in your mind, a picture so clear that you feel like you’re actually experiencing it in real life, makes me speechless. I wish I could explain how beautiful his music is as well and eloquently as he writes his own songs but I am truly stumped here. Dermot is special - his songwriting and that powerhouse of a voice along with his perfect mix of genres brings something refreshing to the music industry.

It’s also refreshing to see a man who is so comfortable writing poetic, vulnerable and passionate lyrics in a society where men are typically scared or are not used to being so open with their emotions. And whether or not he intentionally means for that to be an anti-toxic masculinity message, he’s still setting his footprint in that movement along with other up-and-coming artists Sam Fender and Matt Maltese. His lyrics are what he’s starting to become known for (along with that voice of his) and one of the things I love about his songwriting and his intentions is that fact that there are no mean lyrics. I know it sounds silly but in a world where breakup songs can be pretty harsh ("I Don’t Fuck With You" by Big Sean, anyone? Still a tune though), Dermot’s breakup songs make me want to fall in love. He can be talking about how someone ripped his heart in two but the way he phrases it makes it sound almost heavenly. Here are some of my favorite lyrics of his:

• “When she kissed me, I felt a new freedom or something.” - "Moments Passed"

• “What’s important is this evening I will not forget. Purple, blue, orange, red - these colors of feeling. Give me love, I’ll put my heart in it.” - "An Evening I Will Not Forget"

• “Deep into the night, eyes closing, heart swollen with my loving for you.” - "A Closeness"

• “I wanna know who you are, I want your heart to beat for me” / “Remember the lake in the moonlight? Remember you shivered and shone? I’ll never forget what you looked like on that night” - "Power Over Me"

• “But she’s bringing the moon and stars to me. Damn permanent reverie” / “We were open and vulnerable, it was wonderful” - "For Island Fires and Family"

The fact that someone can love a person so much that they write songs about that person with lyrics as beautiful as Dermot’s is the purest form of art there is. It will bring you tears of joy, sadness and pure peace.

Dermot’s debut album (yes, debut!), Without Fear, is releasing on September 27th. Until then, get your tissues and ice cream ready and listen to everything he has released on any streaming service. Also, don’t miss out on future tour dates. Trust me, you’ll want to see him live.

Follow Blanca on Instagram and Twitter to see more of her work.

"Happy Birthday Melodrama! or on Growing Up Alongside Lorde’s Music" by Valentin Espey-Davis

In 2013, songwriter Ella Yelich-O’Connor released Pure Heroine under the name Lorde. I was 11 years old and the summer prior I had lost my home to financial ruin I could not yet fully understand. I moved in with my grandmother, where my new room claimed a cold tile flooring that always seemed at odds with the dusty, clotted, and warm air. It was incredibly still, and entirely silent.

Eventually autumn spilled into the Missourian streets and yet my room remained sunken with heavy summer melancholy. I pleaded to music to drive out my seemingly incurable fatigue; Pure Heroine answered. Lorde’s voice poured into empty space and moved me to revel in the hush, in the coolness at my feet as I moved wildly to the clean, sharp, magnetic pulses of the music. Within days I was conversing with melodies in the beginnings of an intimate dialogue between artist and listener.

Pure Heroine was unique because it spoke my reflection to me, empowering the image of my mundane existence. My skin was not perfect, but “in craters like the moon.” I wore clothes I lied about being thrifted, and sang along to the assurance that “we’ll never be royals.” Ridden with insomnia following another lonely day at a new school I internalized the cries of "Ribs," “we’re reeling through the midnight streets/and I’ve never felt more alone.” The promises, prayers, and passionate declarations of Lorde’s debut album allowed myself to feel the weight of a maturity that most adults tried to deny me.

Nearly four years later and June 16, 2017, Lorde released her sophomore album Melodrama, coincidentally coinciding with the precipice of my sophomore year. Again I found myself unconsciously internalizing the words that I listened to as if they were meditations. Sophomore year was the happiest of my life, the sunniest, a glimpse into joy I had not known since the deep, consuming battle with depression that had taken middle school away from me.

It was also manic, fevered, and carelessly young. The roar and crescendo that haunted the parties of Melodrama seeped into my own life. Lorde sings in "Green Light," “I whisper things the city sings them back to you.” I did not know this line was a guarantee and as the year unfurled I discovered myself tuning in to a collective murmur. I stood through car sunroofs and heard the cyclical story of loving, losing, dying, and evolving become louder and more melodious. I looked at my friends and knew that we were fireflies in glass jars: alight and fiery, flickering, dull, then dead. Pure Heroine taught me how to make a home, Melodrama taught me how to burn with it.

In an interview with Time Magazine, Lorde remarked that this album was “about pain, but it’s more so about joy—the process of discovering joy and reclaiming joy. Like crying and dancing in equal parts.” In accidentally mirroring the narrative arc of Melodrama, I reclaimed joy preemptively from thieves many did not know lingered on the horizon of the year. I found out second semester I would be moving again, this time across the country to New Jersey. For a while I told no one. It was time to burn with celebration, not anxiety. I laid in streets and gave stars new names with friends and we lauded rebirth. Hair dye stained my cuticles and my first contacts watered my eyes. I ignored endings and settled in beginnings, Melodrama playing the entire time.

Light bounced on the water of my apartment complex’s pool as I took pictures of my friends while it rained, "Supercut" and "Homemade Dynamite" joining the party from a phone speaker. Theo Wenner’s photographs of Lorde were tucked hurriedly in a backpack as we chased the imagery memorialized in album art during the summer storm. We snuck out to watch sunrises from tennis courts and picked flowers at midnight. I loved, I kissed, I wrote and laughed and sang (poorly,) I took out of focus pictures. In my sophomore year I found intimacy and secret keeping and recklessness that mirrored the fervent quality of Lorde’s sophomore album - and a year later, June 16, 2018, I finally moved again. I reacquainted myself with the quiet. I found cool pavement and my muscles remembered dancing. I was 11 years old; there were no strobe lights, no drinks, no lovers, just a world alone. The forceful distance that had been forged between myself and the experiences that had so consumed me was biting. It was burning and strong, but real and sincere.

Lorde once said of her ballad "Liability," “I feel like if I’d had that song when I was 15, maybe it would have been kind to me.” Kind is a strange word to describe the sting of remembrance, but it is an accurate one. To encapsulate loss was to acknowledge the love that was had.

Lorde’s albums are so sacred to their listeners because of their cathartic sincerity. Pure Heroine was a loving chronicle of suburban youth from the honest voice of a 16 year old. Melodrama was similarly vulnerable because of the self awareness that accompanied its party spirit, an awareness too absent in the modern pop genre. Yes, I could be high to the contents of Melodrama but I could lay in the oft forgotten lows with it too.

"Hard Feelings/Loveless" and I unpacked New Jersey together. The screams of "Supercut" and I laid awake on an air mattress replaying visions of elation. "Liability," "Writer in the Dark," and "Sober II (Melodrama)" helped me shift through residual tensions and trauma that remained permanently unresolved. From the memories of years prior and the above tracklist I built a blueprint of a lost home and began again.

Another year later and I’m closing out my last week of Junior year in New Jersey, fully settled in. As the anniversary of both my move and the Melodrama release approach I want to wish Lorde’s sophomore album a happy 2nd birthday. Thank you for growing up with me.

Follow Valentin on Instagram to see more of their work.

"My Friday Night with The Marías" by Blanca Reyes

The Marías are a bilingual psych-soul band who are based in Los Angeles consisting of lead singer, María, and bandmates Josh (drums and vocals), Jesse (guitar), and Edward (keyboard) who are currently touring the states. I had the opportunity to see them in concert on April 26th in Texas and even though my body was sore for days after the concert, it was one of the greatest experiences of my life.

I first discovered The Marías on Spotify, of course. Their song “Over The Moon” was on repeat for what seemed like an eternity (I’m still not over it) and it was the song I was most excited to see performed live while I was waiting in line at the venue. And I was not disappointed when that moment came, I nearly cried. The whole set was filled with María’s velvety smooth voice, the backing vocals of Jesse and Josh, a quick interactive intermission with the fans led by Josh, singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to a fan and 3/4ths of the band, and the iconic Dave, who played the saxophone throughout the show. Every time Dave came on stage, the crowd just erupted into cheers for him because he added this extra level of fun and soul to the night.

On a deeper level, being Mexican-American, I have a personal connection to two different cultures and when I listen to The Marías, I can feel and hear those two cultures blended to perfection within the music and lyrics. María was born in Puerto Rico and was raised in the states (Atlanta, to be exact) and what I love so much about The Marías is, they balance and transition two languages and cultures beautifully through their music. I also saw it first-hand at the concert when I could tell the girls next to me were nervous about singing the Spanish lyrics themselves but still belted them out best they could. That’s one of the things that was so great about this concert - the atmosphere that The Marías were able to create with their personalities and their music was probably the nicest concert crowd I have ever experienced. Those girls didn’t have to worry about being judged for not knowing perfect Spanish because at the end of the day, we were all there to enjoy great music and to have fun.

Speaking of nice crowds, shoutout to Monica and Andrea. After the concert we waited outside by the band's trailer to meet them and ended up sitting in a circle on the pavement just talking about our favorite music. It took us a good while before we realized The Marías had already started their meet-and-greet inside the venue (it was a dumb moment for us), but I really am grateful that I met them that night because without their encouragement and positive energy, I wouldn’t have had the guts to talk to the band and ask them for a picture. I have horrible social anxiety so the fact that they were able to make me feel comfortable so effortlessly, enough to go up and talk to a band that I admire, is something I will never forget.

Not only was the crowd super nice, but the band members themselves were interactive and they truly cared about getting to know their fans. Like I said, I met the band members after the concert and took pictures with almost everyone. Josh and I talked about how we saw him outside before the concert and he forgot his dinner in the band’s trailer (R.I.P dinner), Jesse was busy working with his guitar but still jumped off the stage just to take a picture with me (I was so nervous to ask him for a pic so thanks for that), Doron, who is playing the bass on tour, also jumped off the stage to take a picture with me and was such a sweetheart. I was so nervous to meet María that instead of using that opportunity to tell her how much I relate to her and am grateful for the band’s representation of the Latin community, I rambled and just told her how my friend was in love with her but I made her laugh so it was a win. I also was too nervous to ask Edward for a picture. Edward, if you’re reading this, I am a coward and I regret not having the guts to talk to you.

All in all, my Friday night with The Marías was a true dream. As a Latina, I’ve always felt pressure to like certain things - especially certain types of music and bands that I just can’t get around to liking. It’s refreshing to find a band who not only has those Latin influences that I was made from but also the American influences that I was raised around. It was an honor to see them live and meet them in such an intimate setting. They’re on tour now - get your tickets! You won’t regret it.

Follow Blanca on Instagram and Twitter to see more of her work.

"My I Love You" with Tina Tona

Five Things I Can’t Live Without:

1. The Black Album by Jay-Z
I am a very vocal and avid lover of Spotify, but the day Jay-Z pulled all his music off the platform, I experienced such weakening loss. In the age of technology and streaming, I truly never understood the weight of the question “What was the first album you purchased?”. That was until the Jay-Z drought got the best of me and I spent $10.59 on The Black Album. My heavy rotation of this album is 35% due to the fact that I need to get my money’s worth, and 65% due to the fact that I’ve never experienced music that’s resonated with every ounce of my being to this degree. I listened to it the most in my senior year of high school when my self-doubt and crippling anxiety were peaking throughout college application and acceptance season was coming around, and something about hearing both Jay-Z’s unwavering self confidence and the flawless production of each song helped me realize that my greatness wasn’t ever going to defined by someone that wasn’t me. On days where those feelings try to creep up on me, I know they don’t stand a single chance when HOV boldly states “I need you to remember one thing/I came I saw I conquered,” and I recognize that I can do the same.

2. Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion
When I first arrived in the United States at the age of 4 years old, I landed in Northern California and had more than a brief stint in the small town of Albany, the city that would ultimately have my heart forever. It was my first impression of America, and after leaving in my tween years, I would continue to daydream about my return and write essays about how the rolling hills and ocean breeze would always call to me. I wish I was exaggerating when I say that thinking about California would always make my heart ache. For the longest time I would criticize myself for having these feelings, I would rationalize my melancholy by saying it’s just a city. That was until Joan Didion’s Slouching Towards Bethlehem found its way into my life. The summary in the back of my copy describes it as “the essential portrait of America--and California in particular,” and it almost perfectly mirrored the sentiments I had for my first home. Joan Didion helped me realize that my romanticism wasn’t trivial, and California truly is a beautiful place to be.

P.S: I’m now going to college in L.A, so I guess I found my way back home :)

3. Scrapbooking
In case it hasn’t already been established, I must inform you that I am a huge sentimentalist. Three of the movies in my top five are coming-of-age films, I still have every ticket from every movie I’ve seen since 6th grade (Moonrise Kingdom being the oldest one), and I have a vague obsession with documenting everything that happens in my life. I started my scrapbook a year ago, around the same time that I bought my first film camera (a point and shoot PENTAX!). I was partially inspired by Dan Eldon, who’s been one of my idols since I was 12 years old, and partially inspired by the amount of love I had for my friends and family. Both of my parents have been direct victims of political instability in our home country, and when we fled the country without much preparation, they had to leave all their photos from 20 years prior. I don’t have much reference for what their youth looked like, so I guess in a way this scrapbook is a way for my own children to have a vivid reference for what mine looked like.

4. My So-Called Life
I first found out about My So-Called Life when I was 12 years old. I was reading about TVshows in the camp of the cult classic Freaks and Geeks on my favourite, and now closed, publication Rookie. I tried it out, and I instantly fell in love. I’ve lost count of the amount of times that I’ve watched the entire show, which isn’t that impressing when you realize it only lasted ONE season. I found myself in every single character. It was the most honest portrayal of adolescence and the high school experience that I’d ever seen on TV, and it was the only show to make me feel like I was normal. I got a fade when I was in 9th grade so I could look like Ricky, I picked up a camera after seeing how much Brian Krakow could capture I would ask myself WWRGD (What Would Rayanne Graff Do?) before making any decision, and I was just as lost and in love with Jordan Catalano as Angela. It’s the easiest show for me to return to because it’s always just felt like a part of me. Plus, it introduced me to "Blister In The Sun" by Violent Femmes, and for that I’ll forever be grateful.

5. Lip Gloss
I just love lip gloss. I literally cannot go anywhere without having it on. I have a lot more lip gloss than the average human needs. I’ll go to the beauty store to buy hair and I’ll pick up at least two new shades at the counter. I’ve made my own glittery lip gloss that I use just as much as the Fenty Beauty Gloss Bomb. At this point it’s a personality trait. What can I say! I love to shine.♥

"Fragments From a Past Life" by Sydney McRae

I wrote these poems last summer after finishing my first year of college, amidst a time in my life when I was trying to make sense of all that had been and all that was going to be -- a time of deep self-reflection and reinvention.

I found that I was able to turn powerful moments and feelings into poetry so that I and others could understand my innermost thoughts. I use poetry as a way to better understand myself, my feelings, and the world around me; and it helps me to document how I felt during certain time periods of my life. This is a collection that is a testament to my personal growth and realizations I had when returning home after a very difficult and strange year.

These words helped me find my way, discover who I am, and find beauty among chaos and heartbreak. I want to share these poems so that maybe they can help others on their way too.

Follow Sydney on Instagram to see more of her work.

"My I Love You" with Charlotte Bumgarner

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Oh my god. This show is EVERYTHING!!! From the cheesy but amazing 90s-early 00s fashion to the feminist messages the show is constantly bringing up. I'm currently re-watching it for fifth time or something, I can't even remember at this point. I would highly recommend for anyone who likes spooky things and badass female leads.

2. The fashion designer Caroline Hu.
She's a badass graduate from Parsons who makes the most beautiful clothes ever. She uses textures and patterns that you wouldn't normally see together. Her style is based on women in Renaissance paintings. She tries to capture movement and brush strokes in her work and she does it impeccably well!!!

3. Francesca Woodman.
I've never been able to pick a favorite photographer because it's too hard to narrow it down but...it might have to be Francesca Woodman. She died very young but has a huge body of work. Most of her photos are on black and white film and are self portraits. She makes taking self portraits on film look so easy. (Which it definitely is not!) Her work is so powerful and beautiful and often shows connections to femininity and nature.

4. Boygenius.
The super group of Phoebe Bridgers, Julien Baker and Lucy Dacus. All separately incredible musicians but together an amazing girl power band. I feel a personal connection to them because I am a female solo artist as well and I know how hard it can be sometimes. So when Boygenius was formed from three of my favorite female solo artists and they dropped an album with some heavy songs too I was so happy. Most people will call solo artists boring or emo but they make the most heartfelt and beautiful music. I recommend watching their live sets, these women know what they're doing.

5. Just Kids by Patti Smith.
Again, it's hard for me to choose all time favorites because I often have way too many to narrow it down but Patti Smith is one of my favorite authors, and Just Kids may be my favorite book. Patti has the ability to write beautifully about mundane things, about ANYTHING. In this book she talks about her journey. From childhood to life in poverty in 1970s NYC to fame. She writes honestly about what life is like as a struggling artist and it is such an important read. She talks casually about hanging out with Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix and living at the Chelsea hotel. I could go on and on about this book but I'll just say it definitely changed my life. Anything by Patti Smith is well worth the read.

6. Dilara Findikoglu.
MY QUEEN. She is an amazing fashion designer in London. Her work is like occult glam!!! She uses really unique looking models and makeup making her designs really stand out. People were calling one of her shows a “satanic orgy” because she uses occult symbols on her clothes and had a show in a church. I love everything she makes and hope to reach her level of witchiness one day.♥

"My I Love You" with Thea Neufeldt Armstrong

I love you, Driely Carter!

Currently, I'm obsessed with the work of photographer Driely Carter. She's an artist in New York, taking pictures and breaking down barriers.

You may feel it very differently, but this is the way I feel her work - she represents people in a very real, honest way that I'm not used to seeing - in motion, and through lots of different states of being and moving. Doing something themselves, or having something done to their image by the medium of the photograph and the way she chooses to arrange and work with it. Driely's figures are superimposed over smashed glass or reflected in it, sitting next to bright colours or staring down a camera. No two photos by Driely are the same, and her creativity in representation is stunning.
Refinery29 interviewed her about female photographers on their article "30 Female Photographers Sound Off On Fashion's Gender Imbalance," and here's what Driely had to say:

 "I actually get really annoyed with the entire concept of the 'female gaze.' It often feels like a way for brands to use me to check off their HR boxes, and I don't appreciate that at all. I also find it to be such a disservice to women photographers because it was meant to take women outside of a box, but it just ended up putting them in another. There is this idea that women only shoot pastel colors, glitter, fruits as vaginas, period art, naked everything, and anything derivative of Petra Collins (I love her work, and this is by no means an attack on her. I'm just stating the obvious). It's annoying because that is not the kind of work I am attracted to, but brands will still ask you to change everything about the way you shoot so you fit this aesthetic in order to come across as woke. There are so many ways to be a woman and experience womanhood, and for that reason, we need to have space for these images to exist and conversations to happen so we can become better at understanding each other as human beings."

I really like a lot of her work and can't stop looking through what I feel are really honest, beautiful images and representations. She used to post a lot on her Instagram but she seems to have deactivated it - in any case her website offers a beautiful and plentiful amount of photos to look through and think about, from shots simply labelled "in no particular order" to portraits of Pharrell Williams. I'm really excited to see more of what Driely makes in the future and am super excited to see female trailblazing creative geniuses in photography.

You can view more of Driely's work on her website.♥

"An Ode to 'Bandersnatch' and All the Things I Wish I Could Change" by Andrea Panaligan

I once saw a tweet that said something like, “You guys have never spent most of your days spacing out and imagining scenarios in your head and it shows,” or something, but I can’t remember exactly.

There are a lot of things I can’t remember. I’ve been meaning to google what it means when I can’t tell the difference between what happens in dreams and what happens in real life, but I always end up not remembering.

There are a lot of things I can remember, though. Right now I am overwhelmed by an itch I cannot scratch, a feeling of unrest I can never undo.

***

I’m too proud to admit that I’m a huge believer of alternate realities, but I am. Every time something goes wrong, the first thing that comes to mind is, “Somewhere out there in the universe is a timeline where this is not going wrong.” Every time I want something, the first thing that comes to mind is, “Somewhere out there in the universe is a timeline on which I have this.”

At first it’s romantic. Cutesy. Oh, maybe in another universe. To an extent, it is scientifically accurate. It even made me a better poet, I think (emphasis on the “I think”)—it made me seem more optimistic. Hopeful. And isn’t poetry more heartbreaking when it’s hopeful?

I don’t know what age it stops being hopeful and just becomes plain heartbreaking, though. I’m at that age, I think.

Okay, I think I’ve tiptoed around it enough, so I’ll just say it outright before I change my mind: very, very frequently I use my belief in alternate realities as an out; a defense mechanism, I think? I can never remember anything because I am never here—I am always somewhere out there in the universe, where nothing goes wrong and I have what I want to have. I have trouble remembering if I actually did something or said something in this world—my world, the real world—or if I just pictured it in my head, but I’m too afraid to ask. I can just simply imagine a world where I don’t have to ask, after all.

***

Since it looks like we’re telling secrets here, have another one: there are many, many, many, many, many things I wish I never did. Sometimes I just want to cry thinking about them. Shed my skin, maybe. I know we’re only human and we all make mistakes and all that faux-motivational the-past-is-in-the-past Quotes of the Day, but that just makes me feel more helpless—the past is in the past, I know that, but I’m stuck in it! I am in the past that is in the past!

It’s easier to create all these alternate lives—to start over, shed my skin—in my head than it is to actually start over and shed my skin here, in my world, the real world. It gives me a sense of control, like I finally get to decide the ending of my story.

***

I think you have to be some kind of psychopath to find comfort in a Black Mirror episode; maybe I am. I’ve been trying to write a review of Bandersnatch for what feels like weeks (I’m not so sure)—I put on my little Film Critic hat and took notes and tried to be as objective as possible, but any kind of review I tried to write that was detached from what it made me feel felt…pointless? I know rule number one of film criticism is to never talk about how it made you feel, so I’m gonna try not to, at least for the next few paragraphs.

Bandersnatch is the forerunner of this new genre/medium/experience that was practically destined for Black Mirror. The anthology’s episode plots very often double as thought experiments, so what better way to expound on that than by making the audience participate? Black Mirror in itself is already a feat—its bleakness is never just bleak for the sake of being bleak. It never fails to pack a punch—that punch usually being humanity’s impending doom that we brought upon ourselves. But after four seasons of bleakness and murder and humanity’s impending doom, the audience is, inevitably so, becoming desensitized. What used to be a series I could only watch one episode of every week because it stressed me out that much became something I binged. Season 4, the first to premiere on Netflix, was by far the breeziest—oh cool, he’s cloning them, when’s the next plot twist?

So this, this interactive episode/film/event was obviously a cause for anticipation; this was something new and exciting, not just for Black Mirror, but for television in general. It’s something that would practically force me to think about what I’m watching, because I control it, I get to make things happen.

News of it started circulating throughout last year, whispers about something interactive, etc. etc., but nothing concrete was confirmed until mid-December. It is interactive, starring Dunkirk breakout star Fionn Whitehead, with a reported 312 minutes of footage. The surprise trailer drop was, quite tragically, the highlight of my holidays then. I was staring at the Netflix homepage the day of the launch, etc., etc., you get the picture—I was excited.

If you’ve seen it then you know it warrants at least a second viewing, and so I did. I was adamant on unlocking every single iteration (and reiteration) of every single scene they shot, so I watched it four times in a row, only stopping when I was sure there were no more alternate paths to be taken. It only took me a second viewing, however, to realize that the novelty wears off much quicker than I would have liked. The tweets were coming in, and people were saying it was very gimmicky, and the story wasn’t really strong enough to match this new genre/medium/experience, and at that point, I agreed. I absolutely lost my marbles when my screen made me choose between Sugar Puffs and Frosties and Stefan (Fionn Whitehead) pointed at Frosties when I told him to, but somehow I wanted more. I didn’t want to run out of endings. So I watched it two more times that night, because I wanted more. 

I knew Bandersnatch wasn’t perfect, but that just made me more protective of it. I mean, how could people not like it? Were they not completely flabbergasted in the face of a choice point like I was? (It’s true that I didn’t like it as much when I watched it the second time, but seeing as I saw it four times, then another time, then another time, then another time, I’m thinking maybe I do love it, after all). I keep reading these reviews that all essentially boil down to, “It’s not actually interactive. It doesn’t really give you much of a choice!” and I’m sitting there, dumfounded (and honestly a bit hurt that something I truly love is getting so-so reviews), because wasn’t that the point? You’re not supposed to have control. You’re supposed to get the same bleak ending(s), no matter which permutation you end up choosing. This is Black Mirror, after all. 

But then I think, maybe they have a point. Certainly the geniuses behind Shut Up and Dance and Be Right Back can do better than “Destroy Computer” vs “Throw Tea Over Computer.” But what other episode/film/event has burrowed itself into the crevices of my mind for over three weeks (and counting), causing me to rewatch it again and again and again despite knowing it all ends the same, grim way? This mental do-I-love-it-or-do-I-hate-it limbo convinced me that no, I can never write a review of this; at least not one that follows the first rule of film criticism. Sorry, film critics—talking about my feelings is my only talent, after all.

What I’m trying to say is this: As someone who believes her life is greener on the other side of the universe, Bandersnatch angered me, scolded me, and ultimately healed me. I gasped when Stefan, sitting in his living room, defeated, said, “I should try again,” and then transported himself to another dimension where he could try again—that is a part of myself that I keep closed off and locked up, and seeing it onscreen—and so casually too—felt like I was being ripped open. Oh, how many times have I sat in my own living room, writhing in my own defeat, wishing I could try again!

So maybe I see myself in Stefan. Maybe the reason I keep watching it again and again and shielding it from the fangs of (objective) critics again and again is because I am Stefan. Maybe I see myself in the way he says, assertively, “I’m trying again.” Maybe I subtly flinch everytime I make a wrong choice and the film takes me back to the previous scene so I could choose again.

So maybe I see myself in Stefan, and seeing him end up in the same place I knew he would be no matter how hard I try to make my choices different this time, maybe that hurt me. That isn’t really an ~alternate~ dimension if what’s happening is not different to what happened in all the other dimensions. Maybe it hurt me to think that the things that went wrong here, in my world, the real world, could still go wrong there, in all my other worlds, and the things I can never get here are things I still long for no matter where I am.

But maybe it’s cathartic. Maybe on my fifth watch, or maybe sixth, I realized, hey, maybe the reason I’m watching this so much is because this is what I want. Maybe I don’t want to have control, in the real world or in any other world(s). Maybe it’s true that there are alternate dimensions, and like Stefan, I’m still making the same mistakes in all of them. Maybe the other worlds are just as flawed as my world, the real world. Maybe there is nowhere I can go where everything is pitch-perfect, where Stefan’s life doesn’t go into shambles and I do everything right. Maybe that’s okay. 

How people feel about this episode/film/event mainly depends on how they feel about the illusion of control. I hated Bandersnatch when I feared not having control. But maybe not having control doesn’t have to be scary (and maybe we don’t have to hate Bandersnatch for it). Bandersnatch may not have given me consolation, or relief, or retribution, or redemption, or absolution from all the things I regret, but it gave me liberation. It has given me the knowledge, and it has set me free. 

"I Care About U" by Madelyn Moore

Whether it be a friend, family member, crush, or significant other, everyone needs a little love in their life, and it’s nice to know that people care. Here are some ways to spread the love, digitally!

Make them a playlist! Add songs that make you think of them, songs you think they’ll enjoy, and maybe some songs attached to memories you have together. You could even customize the playlist art and add a cute description! It’s sure to put a smile on their face.

Send a funny meme! I mean, c’mon…EVERYONE loves a good meme. And laughter is always the best medicine!

Ask them how their day is going and/or if they’re doing okay. This might seem like a pretty normal and insignificant thing to do, but I can guarantee it means more than you think. Like I said before, it’s nice to know people care.

Let them know you’re thinking about them. You could do this many ways, so I’m going to break this one down a little. Make an Instagram post! You could edit a cool collage of the two of you, or just post some memories you’ve had together! Share a fun story in the caption, gush over how much they mean to you, or you can keep it short and sweet with some cute emojis! However you choose to do it, they’ll definitely have a smile on their face when they see it. If Instagram’s not your thing, head on over to Twitter and proclaim your love to them via Tweet! You could even pin it to your profile to make them feel extra special!

Shoot them a text, or give them a call! If you’re not feeling the whole social media thing, or if you just want it to feel a little more personal, this is another great way to let them know you’re thinking about them.

FaceTime Time! A good FaceTime session with someone I care about always makes me feel better, so try giving them a call! It’s probably the closest thing you can get to actually seeing them in person, and it’ll give both of you a chance to see the other’s face, which will probably make both of you happy! Everyone wins!

Hopefully these tips give you some ideas on how to spread the love when the person you care about is not always available face-to-face. And remember, even the smallest of gestures could seem huge to someone else, so stop rereading that text and hit send!

"In the Heat of the Summer" by Asirah Abdul Kadir

Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong in the city. Growing up, I’ve always loved the beach however, being a native to the city of Kuala Lumpur, the closest thing we have to a surf beach is the fake wave at our waterpark which we have to pay a grand amount of money to spend like 30 minutes “surfing” on it. So, when my family and I took a trip to Sydney, I made sure that Bondi Beach was on the itinerary.

After a hearty breakfast, we walked down the streets to the beach. Along the way we saw pretty much just surfers, surfboards, and surf shops. For the first time in my life, summer really felt like summer. You could hear the waves in the distance and feel the warm Australian sun on your skin. As we walked along the coastal path at Hunter Park, we saw a bunch of surfers catching waves and that really doubled my interest in surfing. I couldn’t get enough of watching them ride the waves so effortlessly and so confidently. Even 50+ year-old men were surfing on that day. I was blown away.

I can’t wait for the day I get to experience the same feeling and excitement. Maybe I won’t get the chance to hop on a surfboard right now but one day I will. For now, I’ll just leave it to my imagination and these photos.

Follow Asirah on Instagram to see more of her work.

"The Tranquility of Matt Maltese" by Blanca Reyes

Have you ever loved something so much that you have an incredibly hard time explaining just how brilliant it is? That is how I feel about Matt Maltese's music. I’ve tweeted nearly every song lyric of his and basically beg all of my followers to listen to his music on a day-to-day basis so much so to the point where i'm sure they have me muted.

Matt Maltese is a 22-year old Brexit-pop, schmaltzcore, apocalyptic singer/songwriter from Reading, England. I only found out about him this year after Spotify suggested his song, “Studio 6,” for my ‘amore (love)’ playlist, which was ironically evil considering the song made me want to crawl into fetal position and cry instead of giving me the butterflies, head-over-heels feeling my playlist was made for. But alas, “Studio 6” quickly became one of my favorite songs and I just had to find out who was behind that soft, tearjerker of a voice that had captivated me. Upon a little digging, I found out about Matt Maltese and listened to nothing but his discography. His first project was an EP called, In A New Bed, which consisted of mostly emotional break-up/love songs that are sung in such a way that they could pass as lullabies. His most recent project is his album, Bad Contestant, that still features his soft voice but it’s stronger - more confident. This album ranges from songs about love (or the lack of it) to an end of the world song written about President Trump and Theresa May (it’s a long story, just give it a listen). Even though his song lyrics are sarcastic and humorous, the songs as a whole bring you a sense of tranquility. It’s as if you’ve been transported into another dimension, another realm where all you hear is this smooth voice with a perfectly constructed mix of instruments whose sounds are balanced so well that you just sit there and feel it all. Every note, every beat of a drum, strum of a guitar, key of piano - it just hits you all at once as you close your eyes. And I’m sure I am not the only one who has danced to his songs around the house and screamed out every lyric with my whole chest because the songs are just so damn good not to. "Strange Time" and "As The World Caves In” own my life to the point where every time I hear the songs start, I have to stop what I’m doing to take it all in as if each time is the first time I’m hearing it. That is what makes Matt a master at what he does. He constructs his songs in a way where you have to listen to every sound and by the end of a song, I guarantee you will have goosebumps.

I can go on and on about how brilliant his songs are and how they make me feel, but I won’t be doing it justice. Search him up, listen to his songs, and get transported.

"My I Love You" with Prachi

I'm currently obsessed with the new single "Bad Ideas" by Tessa Violet. She is also soon to release an album by the same name.

I love the song because it's like the song-that-describes-my-life. The chorus, "bad ideas I know where they lead but I got too many to sleep," is particularly the part where it gets relatable. The song describes having a crush in the truest sense without any exaggerations or daydreams. It's wild it's candid and absolutely singalong-able.

Oh and did I mention how sweet Tessa's voice is? For me it's the definition of a sweet voice.

Check out the amazing and colorful music video for "Bad Ideas" (directed by Jade Ehlers) here!♥

"My I Love You" with Marissa Smith

I started @myfavoritesigns at the beginning of 2018, I had just left a full-time job and was freelancing. I wanted to fill my time with something new and fun as a side project. After traveling all over the world, especially California, I noticed how there are some gems of vintage architecture and signage all over the United States (and abroad). Every time I passed an old motel from the 60's or 70's I would squeal because it just looked so cool. I was also impressed and surprised that it hadn't been torn down yet. That's when I decided I need to be documenting the amazing places still in existence. Basically, in another life I grew up in the 50s/60s where everything was beautiful and mid-century modern.

I use a Pentax IQZoom EZY film camera I got at Goodwill for $1, and my two rules are: that the photos have to be taken from me, on my film camera (no submissions) and that all photos are taken in the daylight - no night time shots.

Top 5 favorite signs:

1. Bambi Cleaners, Philadelphia PA
There's of course a community of people on Instagram that love signs, and once you fall into the rabbit hole of going through all the accounts you start finding signs you might not have known about. This was one of them. I'm a huge Disney fan, and I couldn't pass up taking a little road trip to Philadelphia to grab this one. Fun fact: my camera was acting up that day and I was so stressed about not getting the photo I literally used a whole roll of film just on this sign alone. I usually only take 2-5 photos of one sign to get the money shot.

2. Safari Inn, Burbank CA
This photo to me, is the reason why I started the account. The font, the neon, the graphic, the palm trees in the back... it's hard to believe this still exists.

3. Lollipop Motel, Wildwood NJ
I grew up going to Wildwood when I was younger, and this sign always stood out to me. Not to mention the motel is super colorful. Wildwood is one of those towns that literally has every old motel from the 50s and 60s still around, with original signage.

4. Weber’s Drive-In, Pennsauken NJ
I love a good diner/drive-in/kitsch food restaurant. Weber's did not disappoint. The sign was moving... it was beautiful and to then eat with carhop waitresses coming to your car to take your order, it's a blast from the past.

5. The Donut Hole, La Puente CA
I love oddities and obscure places. This one was suggested by a friend. A donut place that you literally drive through a donut. I mean come on!♥